3 people I've to say sorry to!
I had sleepless nights with the regrets inside me, so opening this up could help me a bit. So, I've three people to apologize to and here are they
One apology to me
One to you and,
One to them, who might or might not know you, me or both of us.
1. To me :-
Self apology might seem weird but, it's necessary to apologize yourself when you're your own enemy. When, everyone were taking pieces from me, I was the one who handed them the knife. I am the one who broke myself in a way no one else could do. I ignored my instincts and let the people walk over me and said it patience. Was it really a patience though? Never really, I was killing myself in the name of being strong. But how could I be strong when, I was ignoring my strengths? So, I gaslighted myself from all these years and lied my own reflection. I kept you in silence to keep peace in the room. So I owe myself an apology.
Do you know why I apologized to myself on number 1? It's because the biggest apology I own is to myself and no others. It doesn't matter the mistakes or regrets, I had to apologize to myself on the first.
2. To You :-
The one who's reading this right now. I don't know whether you're my friend, follower, believer, well-wisher or someone who can't wish me well. Whoever you're, I am sorry. This isn't a sugarcoating, but truly an apologize.
I am sorry for not being available to you and also for being available to you. I'm sorry for not showing true me to you and also sorry for showing true me to you. I'm sorry for taking steps forward and also sorry for taking my steps backward. If you read the previous apology, you might know, I apologized to myself before apologizing to you. I'm sorry for this as well. I'm sorry for prioritizing you and also sorry for non prioritizing you.
Felt good for a while? Haha, let's come to real world then. But If you prefer the loud only and well doing version of me, maybe I don't owe you an apology, because that was the version which only entertained you and it's already omitted. If my silence made you switch sides, and absence gave you a reason to doubt, I might not have to say you sorry.
If you joined the whisper instead of checking pulse, then your'e not in my apology list at all. So this apology for you the silent believers. I'm sorry.
3. To Them :-
They might or might not know me or you, but if they've been a part of us between somewhere then, I am sorry for them from me and. your behalf as well. I'm sorry I don't have any explanations for them. I just want to apologize to them.
I am sorry just because, I don't want to hear their side of story.
This isn't healing but a warpaint. Sorry for reading!